The Pillars of Life - Managing the tension
And why solid foundations help us show up better for others
Howdy,
I hope you are safe and well, and enjoying your week. Welcome to Meeting Notes - the newsletter from me, Rob Lambert at Cultivated Management.
Life is frustrating at the moment - and it’s a modern problem: we don’t have internet at our rental house yet. There are some blessings here but mostly frustrations. I can’t work from the house, neither can my wife, without using all our mobile data (not cheap in UK). Our boys have tutor sessions which we’re having to do from the studio at the old house. (And yes, I am blessed to have this studio space - I aim to do a video about my studio rules at some point soon).
But, despite the challenges (and I also didn’t quite realise how much we rely on the internet now!) there is a real positive.
With no data or internet we’re connecting as a family instead. We’re watching TV together, eating together, playing games and generally leading a much simpler life. I like it. And I’m making the most of it because when the internet does arrive, I’ll lose the boys back to their rooms and we’ll be connected to the internet, but disconnected from life….I am going to instigate a process of turning the internet off each evening for a few hours.
In this newsletter:
The Pillars of Life
Interesting Links
For those new to the Cultivated newsletter, welcome, I’m Rob, Chief Risk Officer at Cultivated Management. Every Wednesday I publish this newsletter about envisioning bright futures of work, building strategy and aligning people towards your business goals, as well as tips and advice on improving communication skills - a genuine super power in the world of work. Welcome.
The Pillars of Life
My very first YouTube video was about the pillars of life. I got a lot wrong with that video: the wrong frame rates on the camera; the weather was terrible and I persisted when I should have recorded on another day; the camera was too shaky; and I didn’t plan the script very well. But. I recorded a video and broke through the fear, and it was joyful in retrospect. And of course, the content was solid.
Pillars of life are something I refer to often when working with leaders and managers (and in my own life too).
We each have pillars that support our lives. What these pillars are is up to us to discover and define them - and once we’ve done this, it’s then on us to manage the tension between the pillars.
People like to seek “balance” but balance suggests an equilibrium which I have never found to exist with the pillars of life.
I see it as a tension that requires observations, measurement and management. Give to one pillar too much, for too long, and the others will crumble. Try and max them all and you’ll burnout. We are also in different seasons of life. When I was younger it was all about growing my career, having fun and making money. Now, it’s more about health, family and wisdom.
Meeting Note Design: The idea behind the artwork above, is an analogy that our pillars are controlled by moving sliders up and down. Like music production, if we max everything out we’ll blow the speakers or simply create noise. As you move through producing music you’re always tweaking and managing the tension of the music being produced. The same idea is true when it comes to our pillars of life - we are having to manage this tension by focusing on one pillar at a time, ensuring each one is playing nicely with the others.
What is important to me may not matter to you. It’s why discovering, defining and managing our pillars is a personal journey.
But what I do know is that when our foundations are crumbling, we can never show up for others as the best version of ourselves. Whether in work, or at home, we will struggle when we’re wobbling, off kilter or crumbling.
Our communication style and effectiveness is influenced heavily by our emotional state too. If we’re struggling in life (and we all do at some point), we will not be as confident or assertive, or maybe we won’t listen as well.
Our ability to deal with problems and obstacles (the key to releasing business agility) will become harder for us. We may take things more personally or become overwhelmed (this has happened to me a number of times when I wasn’t focussed on the tension within my pillars of life).
We may demand behaviours of people in our teams but not be able to demonstrate them ourselves. Hypocrisy is one of the worst behaviours we can do as a leader or manager. We should hold ourselves to a high bar and be softer on others. Yet, when we’re out of balance this is hard to do.
Our focus, energy and attention may be distracted to other aspects of our lives, meaning we under perform at work.
We will never be on our game all of the time, and life will throw curveballs and drama at us, but all of this is easier to deal with when we are actively managing the tension of our pillars.
When I see someone break down, or rage at work, or behave in unusual ways, or take their drama out on others, or disengage, or become apathetic, or suddenly lose their confidence, I often work with them on this idea of pillars of life. Something is crumbling. Something is off. Something is making them wobbly.
That “something” may not be a simple or easy fix. It may be life changing. But often it’s because their focus has been on one or two pillars at the expense of the others.
I wobble often. I know why. I also know how to fix it. I need to work on preventing it. I need to get better at managing the tension.
It’s a learning journey.
It’s a journey of self awareness and knowledge. It’s a journey of self care and compassion. It’s also a journey of ignoring the social media memes, the masses and the constant pursuit of productivity. Productivity is just one of my pillars - and life is made up of much more than simply getting things done.
I cover many elements of this in the Take A Day Off zine, but especially this need to be always working and productive that is causing much greater stress than we need.
It’s not my place to say what your pillars are, but I share with you mine as they may inspire, help or inform your next steps.
I define my pillars as
Productivity
Family
Health
Society
Finance
Education
Every day I fight against the outside (and inside) pressures to focus more on one over the others. As I reach an older, and wiser, age I realise I need to resist and to look inwards. And to focus on managing the tension.
What is important to me? What is out of kilter? What do I need to change to manage this tension?
And here’s the thing for leaders and managers especially: within your business every person is managing their pillars (whether consciously or not).
And when you help other people by giving them space to manage their own pillars, you will create a workplace that enriches the lives of all who work in them.
Here’s the original video I did on this subject. I’d also be keen to hear what your pillars are, or what metaphor / analogy you use to manage the various aspects of your life.
With that. I hope the tension between your pillars of life are working for you right now. And if it’s not, I hope you find a path forward.
Interesting Links
Enjoyed this long long read about TED talks and how they really aren’t as positive as we think. In some cases, they are dumbing down our ability to understand anything of importance.
“But as the most visible and influential public speaking platform of the first two decades of the twenty-first century, it has been deeply implicated in broadcasting and championing the Silicon Valley version of the future. TED is probably best understood as the propaganda arm of an ascendant technocracy”
To live a rich life you need to learn how to do nothing at all.
Last week’s newsletter was about video meetings and I said we’re not designed to do this - and here’s an article explaining why looking at our face so much can be bad for you.
Small groups well organised are better than larger groups - Seth Godin nails it again.
Until next time
Rob..
Nailed it! Thanks for the reminder.