The Manager - 111 - Focus on individual behaviour

THE MANAGER - BY ROB LAMBERT

Hi, 

I hope you are doing well. Life is busy at Lambert HQ with a new client engagement, a weekly YouTube video, a weekly podcast, two kittens and three kids! But I’m super grateful. Hope life is good for you too. 

Picture the scene. I’m sitting writing my new book and my middle kid arrives home from school. He’s super upset. 

“Worst day ever” were his first words when he came through the door. 

On that day his entire class was “shouted” at loudly by two different teachers, and told off for something just a few kids were doing. He was devastated - he had no idea what he’d done wrong and his sense of fairness kicked in. 

“Why are we being told off because of other people?”

He didn’t want to go back to school. He’s a sensitive soul (like myself), but even so, I’ve never seen him like this. Deeply upset. 

I’m not one of these parents who contacts the school often, but this incident was deeply troubling for him. So, I sent a nicely worded, but challenging, email to the school to find out what my son had done wrong and why he was shouted at. 

The teacher phoned the following morning and said the “whole” class was being loud, and that they “all” got carried away. Ok, it’s not specific or useful, but it shows effort and at least they know my son was unhappy. 

That night my middle kid came home and was fine. The following day though...well, the whole class had been “really” shouted at by 5 different teachers. Again, seemingly because of a few children’s behaviours. He was deeply upset again, crying lots and refusing to go back to school.

So, I sent another strongly worded email asking for absolute specifics about my son’s behaviours. 

I asked for details about what he had done, what he had said, how he had said it, his body language and his work output - The five elements of behaviours. 

I wanted to help my son address what was happening (if he had anything to do with it) and the only way I could this, was to know the specifics. 

I asked for his behaviours to be addressed directly, if he was doing anything wrong. 

I didn't want the rest of the class to be shouted at if it was my son’s behaviour (it wasn’t).

I received another call explaining how they are dealing with the poor behaviours by the few and the shouting would stop. And that they were sorry. And my son hadn't done anything wrong. 
 

I tell this story because the same thing happens in our workplace. 

Every company I work in has the same problem - managers reprimanding, punishing or “having a stern word” with the whole team, rather than addressing individual poor behaviour. 

It’s easier to send an email to the team outlining poor work output, or poor behaviours in meetings, or a lack of discipline around process, than it is to address individual behaviour. 

But consider this:

1. When everyone is being “told off” those exhibiting the poor behaviours believe everyone else must be demonstrating these behaviours too. Phew - I can keep going and hide - after all, everyone is doing it.

2. When the masses are reprimanded, those high performers wonder what they have done wrong. Why me? How can I improve? Why am I being punished because of others?

3. There is nothing useful in group feedback. Nothing specific, tangible, direct. Nothing that people can use to change their own behaviours. 

4. It demotivates those high performers - and they’re the ones you REALLY want to keep.

5. It makes the manager look weak. 

6. It shows that poor behaviour is not being addressed. And people rarely leave “bad” managers - they leave a manager who doesn’t deal with low performance. 

7. It simply doesn’t work. 

The single best way to address low performance or poor behaviours, is directly with those demonstrating them.

Specific, concrete, evidence based feedback about unwelcome behaviours. And the same goes for high performers - specific, concrete, evidence based feedback about positive behaviours. 

When you see the masses being given “feedback”, you know you have weak and ineffective management in place. 

Great managers help people to become better. They don’t demotivate. They focus only on behaviours, not people’s character.

And they give constructive feedback without being resented for it. (hint, this is done by developing outstanding communication skills). 

After sending my email to the school, I received a response from the Head Teacher. She mentioned how thankful she was for me pointing out the 5 elements of behaviours and how the teachers are now going to be specific and concrete with their “telling off”.

A small victory for good management and leadership. A giant victory for my son. 

He’s back to his old self again. And with that, I wish you a great day. And I look forward to speaking to you again next week.

By the way, if you haven’t seen it, LinkedIn has just launched its story feature on mobile. I’m sharing behind the scenes stuff on my story channel if you’re interested. 

And a big thank you for everyone who purchased my new online Communication Super Hero course. It is greatly appreciated and I do hope it's hitting the mark for you.

Take care all.

Rob..

What's new on Cultivated Management?

This week I released:

How to spot Systemic Business Problems. 

In this article and video I share how to spot those systemic issues that keep coming back, are hard to fix and require leaders to pull their levers of change. 

FOOD FOR YOUR MANAGEMENT BRAIN

1. A HR essential guide to succession planning - useful for managers too - https://lattice.com/library/hrs-essential-guide-to-succession-planning

2. There's a specific sort of stress caused by screens - https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/health-and-wellness/there-s-a-specific-kind-of-stress-caused-by-your-brain-on-a-screen-20201013-p564tm.html

3. Shape Up - a new (free) book from Basecamp for product teams and engineering teams who are struggling to work together and ship stuff.  - https://basecamp.com/shapeup

4. Treat your employee experience like your product experience - https://lattice.com/library/resourceful-the-employee-experience-is-your-product?

5. The cost of context switching - https://www.loom.com/blog/cost-of-context-switching

6. Why facts are over-rated - https://areomagazine.com/2020/09/14/why-facts-are-overrated/

7. Can video games help to treat depression? https://www.inputmag.com/features/leveling-up-can-video-games-treat-mental-illness?

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Thanks
Rob..